Can You and I Really Change?

A Bender Byte Moment

By Ron Bender © 2011

“Inviting God’s touch in your soul”

When you read about the fullness of life that Jesus and the other New Testament writers exemplify and talk about what do you think?  Surely, you’re drawn to this beautiful way of life – it is holy, peaceable, centered in God’s goodness, generous, and Spirit-empowered.

But do you believe that you can really live in God’s abundant life like one of Jesus’ Apostles?  That more and more you could actually learn to obey Jesus’ teachings from your heart?

• Blessing those who curse you, like Paul did?
• Overcoming impulsiveness and learning to be faithful to God, as Peter did?
• Setting aside anxiety and learning to join Mary and sit still at Jesus’ feet and listen?
• Trusting Jesus as your best friend, like John did?

Focus on One Change in Character

The great monk Thomas a Kempis in 1486 said, “If every year we uprooted a single fault, we should soon become perfect.” A year. Have you ever spent a whole year in an intensive program of learning one thing from Jesus?

Most of us fail in our efforts to change and be more like Jesus because we don’t keep our focus long enough and we don’t go deep enough; we don’t develop a plan for how we can work with God’s grace to change on the inside in that one area.

We suffer from the “gopher hole syndrome”: every time we close up one hole then another pops up! Of course, the holes are just symptoms – the real problem that we need to deal with is the gopher. We need to dig down deep and keep digging till we find that critter and then we can remove him from our yard! When the gopher is gone then the holes will go away.

To change you need to focus on one behavior with God’s help, digging underneath it to deal with your heart in that area over time. Jesus and the authors of Scripture continually direct us to give our “heart” to God, to love him and to love others as he loves us. But today many people don’t even know what their heart is, much less how to change it! In the Biblical understanding your heart is not your emotions; it is your will and orientation for life; it’s the source of the way you live and relate to others.

Some Examples of Heart Change

Some years ago, with the help of several good spiritual mentors, I began implementing a simple, but systematic process for learning how to change from the inside out by addressing my heart in one area at a time.  I wanted to learn how to obey Jesus from my heart. First, I focused on overcoming lust.  Then learning to bless those who curse me.  Then rooting out selfish ambition and jealousy. And now, for the last six months I’ve been learning to become the kind of person who rejoices even when people who claim to be in Christ sin against me..

I’m a work in progress!  I am still learning – especially when it comes to rejoicing in all situations!  In fact, this issue was particularly difficult for me to be accountable to God for and to accept that by his grace I could really become a more joyous and relaxed person because all of my life I have tended to be burdened by my responsibilities and problems and have been prone to negativity and complaining. I thank God that he is indeed helping me to live in his joy in a way that not only blesses me, but more importantly brings glory to Jesus and care to others.

 

People experience freedom from anxiety, depression, lust and compulsive sexual behavior, anger and unforgiveness, and other problems.

V-I-M: The Steps to Real Change

How can you overcome what you’re struggling with?  How can you learn to implement one of Jesus’ teachings in your life?  Healing and life transformation flows through three steps: Vision, Intention, and Means.

This is a deep subject.  I spent several years under some good teaching that helped me understand the process of true change and transformation.  But I’m already almost out of space here and this is suppose to be just a byte of truth (So many people have told me that they print out, read and pray on these Christian Soul Care Devotionals even though they’re quite a bit longer than typical devotionals!)  So I’ll close with a personal illustration of my most recent VIM plan. You can apply my VIM plan to an area in your life that God wants to help you to become more like Jesus.

Vision

God has given me a new vision: I can be a thankful and joyful person – even as a “melancholy” personality type! Gratitude is not dependent on personality, nor is it simply a matter of trying hard to be thankful. The key to being an appreciative person who smiles and blesses others naturally is in learning to live not just in the context of my circumstances, but in the reality of the kingdom of God is in my midst.

Christ is present with me always. He is smiling and his arms are open to me. He welcomes me into God’s glorious kingdom; the Lord is active all around me in all situations and is ready to govern me in gracious ways as I do whatever I’m doing. Wow! Even in the midst of difficulty or pain or injustice I can connect with Christ, be loved by him, learn from him, be guided by him, and partner with him in ministry to others – that is cause for thanksgiving and rejoicing!

Intention (Choosing to rely on God):

This is the dig down deeper step! I have to wrestle with myself at this point because part of me wants to fix my problems myself rather than to rely on God or anyone else to help me. I like to be in control! (Anybody relate?) Being overly self-reliant is why I am prone to slip into getting burdened, complaining, or being impatient when things aren’t working out like I want them to.

Dear Lord, please form my whole heart around the gospel vision you’ve given me and help me to become a grateful person, joyful in Christ, and ready to be a blessing to others.

Means (Applying disciplines and grace in my focus area):

I’m relying on God’s grace to help me to become thankful and happy in Christ by going into training with Jesus, asking him to change my character (choices, thoughts and feelings, bodily disposition, social connections, and soul – the dimensions of the human person identified in Jesus’ Greatest Commandment).  So for as long as God leads (probably at least a few more months), here are the disciplines I’m using in my spiritual workout program:

• Memorize Philippians 4:4-13, 19-20: I’m forming my thoughts and feelings in God’s Word and immersing my soul in the flow of God’s life through praying Paul’s beautiful words in Philippians 4 that teach me the goodness of being a person who is thankful to God in all things; joyful, positive-minded, and content in Christ; generous to others; and eager to bring glory to God with my life.

• Choose to give thanks in prayer and to praise God: In the mornings I thank God for his blessings to me and for the situations of the coming day (things that normally I might stress about or try to control) and praise him for his goodness (e.g., praying Psalm 100 and applying it to the details of my life).

• Watch and pray (Matthew 26:41): I realize my vulnerability to complain, worry, or become burdened and impatient when I have problems. So in anticipation of these temptations my prayer is that when these trials come I would meet them with an appreciation that God is with me to guide and care for me in good ways. God is enough for me! “Lord, whom have I in heaven, but you?  Earth has nothing I desire besides you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever” (Psalm 73:25-26).

• Abandon outcomes to God: I’m going into situations submitted to my Sovereign Lord and his will by praying, “Lord, your will, your way, your time.”  I want to maintain a disposition of acceptance before God of what is, learning from Jesus as my teacher in all situations, waiting on him and following his leading.

• Prayer Partner: Regularly I confess to Deb (my Wife) and others, James teaches us to confess our sins to each other. This opens up a clear door to fellowship in Christ. I have learned that unconfessed sin puts a barrier between myself and God. Just confessing to God is not enough to bring true healing and blessing. I am able to receive feedback from those I confess to, receive her affirmations, and ask for prayer. “Christ’s Ambassadors” (2 Corinthians 5:20) help me to rely on God’s grace.

• Seek to bless others as God has blessed me: I am learning to “live in the overflow” of God’s love. What a joy it is to share with others the ways that Christ is ministering to me (including through Scripture and godly people as I illustrated above). So I look to affirm God’s goodness in others – to encourage and bless them with a smile, kind words, or helpfulness.

A Final Word

In one sense, change isn’t easy. As you can see, it requires that you implement a comprehensive plan over time. But in another sense change is easy, because your life will flow much better as you learn to follow Jesus from your heart. For instance, I am learning how much easier my life is, including dealing with stress and unfairness, when I’m grateful to God.

Another way that your life can get easier is that if over time you stay with your spiritual formation training plan of learning to obey Jesus in one area then you’ll see growth in other areas of your character also! That’s because the things that you need to do to really change your character in one area will facilitate improvement in other areas as well.

Now it’s your turn! Consider asking God to help you learn to obey one of Jesus’ teachings from the Sermon on the Mount.

 

 

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Thank you!

Ron

Ronald Bender- President/CEO Bender Consulting.~http://www.benderbytes.net/bender_consult