What does it take to live every day in sexual thought purity? We have developed the 4 Pillars of Purity to encapsulate the basic principles of purity into a simple "package" that is easy to remember. The first letter of each Pillar spells out the word P.U.R.E. Easy enough, right? So, dive in and learn what it takes to live every day in purity!

PILLAR #1: Profess the Struggle

I John 1:9 - If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness.

I confess I have a problem

Recognizing our needs is basic to human survival. I need water or I will dehydrate and die. I need food or I will eventually starve to death. I need oxygen on a regular basis or I will quickly suffocate and cease to exist. Our physical needs are easy to recognize and we compensate for them instinctively.

However, when faced with the challenge of recognizing our emotional or spiritual needs we are less perceptive. If we struggle with sexual addiction we are methodically suffocating or starving our spiritual self. We attempt to feed our spirit through our physical appetite for sex. We must recognize this as a problem if we are ever going to find a solution.

Confessing that you are a sex addict (or have a problem with acting out sexually) can be as refreshing as a steak dinner to a starving outcast. But it looms a much scarier proposition. While a starving man will immediately begin to ease his hunger pangs when given the opportunity to eat, a spiritually dying man is not so quick to see his desperate need of confession in order to nourish his famished soul. Both men are dying, but only one sees beyond his pride and gladly receives the nutrition offered.

Reach out your hand today to God and receive the spiritual nutrients of forgiveness for your soul. You need the food that only He can offer. Say to the Lord, "I confess that I am a sex addict in need of a Savior. I am lost and dying, trying to fulfill my emotional and spiritual longings through my physical lusts. I am exhausted, weary, parched. I confess that I have sinned against You and seek Your mercy and forgiveness that You offer in Jesus Christ. Thank you for being willing and able to provide for me the sustenance I need to survive and thrive spiritually."

This powerful step of confession will open the door to moving forward in your quest for freedom from sexual addiction. You have shown courage to take this bold step. Now continue in courage as you close the door on your past sins and step into the light of your new journey to freedom.

PILLAR #2: Understand Triggers

Psalm 139:23-24 - Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I choose to confront the sexual triggers in my life

What moods, people, or surroundings trigger your struggle with sexual sin? We all have pressure points at which we are vulnerable to giving in to temptation. It is important to understand what these "triggers" are and deal with them appropriately and swiftly.

Living in sexual purity means that you must deal with the underlying issues of your heart. Too often people are content to try and simply curb the symptoms of a much deeper problem. But freedom is what you really want, not remaining in a never ending cycle of sin and shame. In order to live in such freedom you must deal with the root of impure actions. These are your triggers.

Alcoholics Anonymous narrowed down most of the moods associated with triggers with a simple acronym: H.A.L.T. Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired (you could also add Bored and Stressed). This is a great place to start when attempting to process what moods tend to point you in the direction of wanting to act out sexually. My biggest triggers are stress (a form of anger) and being tired. I have to guard against overloading myself with work and various other responsibilities and make sure I get enough rest. Being aware of these triggers helps me better prepare for potential vulnerabilities in my pursuit of sexual thought purity.

Certain people have the potential to ignite the desire to act out. You must be aware of the people with which you are associated. Are these friends or co-workers encouraging your lifestyle of purity or enticing you away from it? Remove yourself from friendships or other relationships that tend to set you up for moral failure. No relationship is worth that high a price.

Finally, what environments trigger your acting out? Do certain movie theatres, restaurants & bars, video stores, or parts of town increase your chances of slipping up? If so, develop a plan of action to avoid all locations that stir up your lust and increase your vulnerability. It is better to be at home alone and enjoying freedom than to be out with a crowd and suffering enslavement to your addiction.

Understanding your triggers is a key element to experiencing long-term freedom from sexual addiction. When you know the moods, people, and surroundings that cause potential danger, you are better equipped to stop your acting out behaviors long before they can ever get started. Purity is the goal, and recognizing triggers allows you to reach your goal much faster.

PILLAR #3: Relate with God

John 15:4 - Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.

I choose to relate with God

What does it mean to "relate" with God? Is it the same as being "related to" God, or does it go deeper? This may seem like splitting semantic hairs, but I think it is important to explore if we want to pursue sexual purity.

The third element of the 4 Pillars of Purity is "Relate with God." This is a critical component in experiencing long-term freedom from inappropriate sexual behavior. It goes far beyond simply knowing about God or even being a Christian. It involves connection, dialogue, and intimacy. Any healthy, growing relationship requires regular, and frequent, interaction. It is no different in our relationship with God.

Apart from the healing power of Jesus Christ we can never know ongoing freedom from porn and sexual addiction. It is vital that we grow in our understanding of the TRUTH. Many of us have spent so many years in lies & deception that it can be difficult to see and believe what the truth really is - especially about what God says about who we are in Him ("There is now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" - Romans 8:1).

Freedom and purity often seem a distant dream, even a fantasy. But it doesn't have to be. You can know the liberating joy of living each day with a clear conscience. You can experience the power of a life surrendered to God. You can know the depth of God's love and forgiveness, no matter how far you have fallen. God is patient and has a wonderful plan for your life. Don't miss out on it!

I challenge you to begin to relate with God today. Simply share your heart with Him. Talk with Him about your fears, your struggles, your desire to be free from the pain of addiction. He is ready to hear from you. And you don't have to "clean up" before you come to Him. He will help you deal with the problems in your life as your relationship with Him deepens. Today, why don't you just spend some time opening up and relating with God? You might just find that a lifestyle of purity is closer than you thought.

PILLAR #4: Engage Others

Hebrews 10:24-25 - Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near. (NLT)

I choose to engage others

How important is it to "engage others" in your pursuit of purity? I think most of us understand the need to confess our weaknesses, guard against our triggers, and deepen our connection with God, but what about getting up close and personal with other people?

The fourth element of the 4 Pillars of Purity is "Engage Others." Next to relating with God, this is the most necessary element for maintaining a lifestyle of purity. You simply cannot live every day in sexual thought purity if you are not regularly connecting with other individuals committed to helping you in your struggle. You need others and they need you.

As critical as the discipline of engaging others is, it is also the least pursued. When we outline the pillars of purity to men who attend our 40 Days of Purity seminar events, without hesitation they admit that this fourth pillar (Engaging Others) is the one that they neglect the most. When asked why, there are several common responses (many of the reasons below apply to women as well):

• Pride - they think they can handle this problem on their own.

• Fear - they are afraid of what others might think of them or of having their secret revealed.

• Shame - they think that by exposing their weakness they will be ridiculed and rejected.