“Don’t worry. Be happy!” It’s not that easy. Many people struggle with anxiety or worry. Even at night they can’t seem to slow down and relax. Their minds just won’t let them rest. Why did I say that to him? …What will they think about me? …How am I going to pay my bills? …I have to get over this and be stronger.
You don’t have to live with worry like this! You can experience more of God’s peace.
God Understands
Many years ago as a young adult I read in the Bible, “Do not be anxious about anything” and immediately I felt more anxious! I thought, What’s the matter with me? I shouldn’t be so anxious all the time. I must not be a good Christian! Maybe you’ve struggled with thoughts like this.
Later, I realized that I had committed what I’ve come to call a “Biblical blunder that bruises and confuses!” I had misinterpreted the Bible and harmed me in the process. I began to understand what God was really saying to me in His Word when I read the passage more carefully and in context:
The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:5b-7)
Oh! I discovered that the Apostle Paul is encouraging me to rely upon God’s care when I start to worry. He wasn’t shaming me or encouraging me to deny my feelings. The comforting truth in this passage is that God is near me and when I’m anxious He offers me His peace, a peace that will protect my soul and body from the destructive effects of continual anxiety. My part in experiencing God’s peace is to ask God for what I need and to thank Him for the good things He provides.
How Anxiety Problems Develop
Before we feel anxious two things happen. First, we experience stress or an injury and feel hurt, afraid, angry, sad, guilty, or needy. And then we deny or avoid that feeling, even though it’s a natural and healthy response. We’re too busy to pause and feel our feelings. Or the feelings don’t fit our expectations of who we should be. The combination is like a chemical reaction that creates anxiety. It is like we are fighting ourselves. It’s like we got one foot on the gas and the other on the brake and so we are spinning out of control and damaging the engine. It’s appropriate to feel scared when someone or something threatens your well-being and so your body instinctively gears up into the fight-or-flight response, but the anxious person tries to shut down the fear, creating anxiety that over time can damage their soul and body.
To use another analogy, anxiety occurs when you hold the lid down on your pot of boiling emotions. Eventually, the pressure becomes too great and the lid blows with a panic attack or other anxiety disorder, an angry outburst, or “acting out” with compulsive behavior (e.g., alcohol, overeating, sex). As we’ll discuss later, instead of holding the lid down we need to let off some steam (verbalize our feelings and needs) even if only to God in prayer. This will turn down the heat (set our limits).
Some of us Grew Up With Anxiety
As children we took in too much stress by listening to and being concerned about the things that upset our Mom, Dad, and others. I took on too much responsibility and lived with burdensome expectations. And I didn’t release the pressures and pains because I didn’t talk about my feelings. I didn’t even feel my feelings. Instead I worried and I worked to solve my problems, and everyone else’s too!
It took me a number of years as an adult to learn helpful ways of dealing with anxiety and to experience inner peace. I used things like educating myself, relaxation exercises, physical exercise, lifestyle changes, prayer and other things to find some relief. Today I still struggle some with anxiety at times, but it’s so much better. Now because I have better boundaries to limit the stress I intake. And I’ve learned how to process my feelings with a caring friend and experience peace.
My own story
I didn't know that I had a problem until the situation was there in front of me. I was scared of large crowds. One day I found myself at a free concert at the beach. I got there early when hardly anyone was there. Shortly though, the crowds arrived. First a few here and there. As the evening came closer the droves of people started filing in. Soon I was shoulder to shoulder on all sides. There were people on the walls and people out the windows in the street nearby. It was like the whole would was closing in. I felt trapped and helpless to do anything about it. I could not even leave if I wanted to. The more trapped I was the greater the anxious feelings started to overwhelm me. The thoughts of what could happen made my breathing a little more difficult (Unpleasant bodily symptoms.) I would start worrying that I wouldn’t be able to get out of there or that the people would start something or....so on and so forth.
The worrying would keep me from having a good time and thinking only about what ifs. At some point it was as though I was going to suffocate. It was about that time I would pray, what I call, a foxhole prayer. I would start with something like Please God if you get me out of this I will......! You know the prayer. I also had some of these same feelings when asked to speak in front of large groups (Don't figure being a teacher and all). Just before getting up in front, out came my foxhole prayer. I later realized that God wants me to always be in prayer. Sort of like always having my car cared for. I found ways to get through it. I developed a coping mechanism to keep me from boiling over. But that was like driving with a gallon of water in the trunk instead of fixing the problem.
Learning to be Patient
Anxious people I talk to hate the word patience! They want their symptoms – panic attacks, phobias, obsessive-compulsive behavior, trauma reactions, or chronic worry – to go away now.
They’re frustrated with themselves that they can’t make them stop and don’t realize that their attempt to control (deny) their anxiety is part of their problem. What a pickle we are in! The Truth is that the quickest route to cure begins with accepting your problem and being ready for it when the time comes.
Reading the Indicator Lights
You wouldn’t drive your car without checking the gauges. You ask yourself, Do I have enough gas? How fast am I going? Do I need to take my car in for an oil change? Many of us also have AAA just in case we do have a problem. Yet, if you struggle with anxiety you probably don’t monitor your soul and respond to its needs. Anxious people typically neglect to fill their tanks with care, they push themselves beyond reasonable speed limits, and hesitate to ask for help.
For some people, their anxiety gauges are obvious. Reading your anxiety gauge probably begins with listening to your body. When you’re anxious it’ll show up in your body with shortness of breath, heart palpitations, tightness or pain in the chest, discomfort in your stomach or bowels, twitching, shaky hands, sweaty palms, or tingling. These symptoms are warning signs that you need to slow down, relax, feel, and talk about your feelings. It’s harder to do, but ultimately you want to respond the same way to your feelings. Whenever you feel angry, scared, or sad it means your soul needs caring attention.
Learning to Set Limits
I am glad that we have speed limits on the roads I drive. Not that we all obey them but it does give us caution not to go faster than conditions allow. Likewise, I had to accept that I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do, but I need to prioritize more and let some things go. I learned when I needed to say no to someone’s request because I didn’t have time or energy or had other commitments to keep. I spent more time relaxing (I’m still working on that one!) I also found that keeping gas in the car is like always praying. Not just when I am in a hole. I gave myself permission to feel, to need, and to struggle. Caring for myself and establishing limits were an important part of helping me to feel more peaceful.
How I Faced My Fear
The next time I was asked to be a speaker in front of a large group I remembered where I came from. I know the journey I am on. Don’t get me wrong, at first I was excited, but later I started thinking about it. Maybe they don’t really want me. I’m just filling in for someone who had to cancel. I got more and more scared. Then I told myself, You can’t be afraid. You’ll make a fool of yourself in front of many people! If you can’t calm down, then you just need to cancel. Of course, this harsh treatment of myself and denial of my fears only made me more anxious. Eventually, I woke up to what I was doing – I had reverted to my old, destructive ways of coping with anxiety – demands on myself, denial of feelings, and avoidance of what scared me!
I accept the fact that as a speaker I didn’t have to be perfect, but was a “work in progress.” I started processing my feelings with my wife and a friend to find comfort. I would constantly pray for strength and thanksgiving, I was determined not to avoid my fear of public speaking, but to face it.
Today I keep my soul in tuned. I read the word regularly, I pray often, I keep people around me that understand my short comings. In other words, I take care of my soul like I should take care of my car. I drive responsibly and do not take on more than I can handle. I do not quickly say no but push myself to say yes. Yes, to the challenges of things that take me out of my comfort zone. Knowing that my soul is equipped to handle the experience. Today I long for such experiences. To use the gifts God has given me. To know that he is always near to bring me His peace. For His peace is real. His strength is awesome! I no longer do things in my strength. That thought alone gives me peace!
Thanks for reading this Bender Byte Moment.
If you still need some additional help try 31 antidotes-to anxiety
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